


Four Angry Dads

by notapartytrick



Category: Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Family, BAMF Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes Is So Done, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton is a Disaster, Comedy, Crack Relationships, Dumbass Clint Barton, Everyone Hates Peter Parker, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, Everyone is Peter Parker's Dad, Gen, Humor, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers, STEVE ROGERS IS TRYING HIS BEST, Sam Wilson Annoys Peter Parker, Sam Wilson is So Done, Stuck in a Tunnel, The Avengers Argue a Lot, This work is insane, avengers mission, i hope y'all are happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23698522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notapartytrick/pseuds/notapartytrick
Summary: "Could you quit it for one second?" Peter cuts in, facing Sam head-on. "What - what is your problem with me?"His remark finally shuts Sam up.Clint deadpans from behind them both: "Don't over-analyse it, Webs. It's just his way of showing he cares."Silence descends in the tunnel.Sam's face is thunderous. "Barton, I will smother your face in this dirt. I swear to fucking Christ--""Well, I guess the universe repaid me in dads." It escapes Peter's mouth entirely outside his notice and he hardly processes what he's said until every eye in the team is fixed on him with murderous intent.(Oops. Angry dads.)---Peter's first big-time mission with an oddball Avengers team spells arguments, frustration, humiliation, shits, giggles, and - just maybe - some unexpectedly parental bonding.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Sam Wilson, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson
Comments: 28
Kudos: 529





	Four Angry Dads

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iamalloyman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalloyman/gifts).



> A gift for the lovely Elana. I hope this helps you to enjoy your birthday a little more, you deserve to have a happy day!! I present: our best bois being chaotic :)  
> (Rated Teen and Up for language)

"Can I say it?"

"Not now."

"Just once?"

Steve lets out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine."

Rolling his shoulders, Spider-Man prepares himself to utter the sacred words. Captain America stands tall at his side, ready to lead the charge against the horde of HYDRA thugs above them in the tunnel where they’re positioned. Falcon and the Winter Soldier are poised for attack behind them, Hawkeye aiming his bow with unwavering hands in the direction of the earth above them. _Never forget this moment, Peter. It might just be the coolest you've ever felt._

He inhales, exhales.

"Avengers..."

It's almost too thrilling to speak; Peter pauses, feeling his heart thrumming in anticipation, hoping the team feels the same but instead noticing Sam ostentatiously rolling his eyes in his peripheral vision.

"Assemble!"

Though his smile is wider than Midtown, he hears matching groans from all three of the men behind him.

"Are you done?" Steve says, seemingly unaware of the grief he's caused Peter by shattering the moment.

He nods vigorously all the same.

Captain America raises his hand silently, holds it there, then brings it down sharply. _Go._

This is Peter's cue. He reels back, making the most of his sticky grip on the ground beneath him before launching up towards the entrance they are about to create and directing a seismic punch into the earth. His fist cuts through layer upon layer of packed dirt - as time slows around him, he feels each inch of earth giving way under the superhuman force - and he braces himself for the inevitable jolt of pain that means he's struck through the concrete floor of the enemy base--

And instead is met with the glare of the summer sun.

Peter tumbles out into the fresh air and lands clumsily on his side in the grass in his surprise. Steve follows him a moment later, a tad more graceful but no less confused. Then come Sam and Bucky in tandem, Bucky rolling out a trademark "What the hell?" while Sam throws his arms up towards the sky in frustration.

Clint's head pops up out of the hole. He takes one look at the unidentifiable field they've ended up in and says, "Dick-eating cayote shit."

" _Language_." Steve turns back towards Clint, who has now shoved his face resolutely into the grass, with a scandalised frown.

Peter's brain still hasn't quite caught up with the adrenal whiplash of preparing so determinedly for a badass battle of good over evil and getting landed with an empty plot of land in the sweltering heat. "It's - it's not the base.”

"There's the A+ student Tony always gushes about!" Sam remarks with false brightness, raising his eyebrows condescendingly in Peter's direction before stalking towards Steve. "And what kind of navigation do you call this?"

Steve folds his arms protectively and retorts, "I'm not giving up on that map just because of a... a minor setback. Someone must have tampered with it somehow. I wouldn't put it past any of you, in fact."

"How," Sam begins, levelling Steve with a look, "Do you tamper with a _paper map_ , Cap?"

Bucky settles himself on the ground, hands laced behind his head, and Peter gets the impression this kind of bickering is a regular occurrence.

“I don’t know, you tell me! You want us to use tech so badly, don’t you? In case you’ve forgotten, _I_ am fronting this mission, and I say that navigating with something you can hold and _keep hold of_ is the way to go.”

“Great. Wanna use your scrap of paper to actually _get_ us to the mission?”

An arrow whistles through the air, coming to a sharp halt not two inches from Sam's foot.

"Just make another fucking tunnel," Clint calls. He slithers in small increments back into the darkness of their self-dug tunnel.

"And I thought I was weird," mutters Bucky under his breath as he pushes himself upright and heads back towards the tunnel, so quietly that only Peter can hear him, although he's sure the remark wasn't intended for an external audience.

With a soft snort of derision, Peter bounds back in the direction of the hole in the ground, unaware of the hell he is about to endure just beneath the ground.

* * *

“Steve, the tech just powered down. This is useless. Should we just call it off?”

"No way!" Peter pipes up, joining Cap and Bucky who frown down at the lifeless tunnelling tech on the floor. He'd been invited on this mission because it was finally agreed he was ready for this sort of stuff, and he wouldn't give up on an opportunity to prove himself to his idols if it killed him. Maybe. He'd like to stay alive, preferably - well, if he's being honest, mind-numbing boredom seems the more likely alternative, or maybe insanity, if they stay in this tunnel for any longer.

His sixth sense has been on standby for the past few weeks - he hasn't a clue why, but it just comes and goes like an eccentric uncle and that's how it is - but he figures if he... tries really hard? He can make it come back?

He has no idea.

In his frenzy, Peter leaps onto the makeshift ceiling of the tunnel and crawls back and forth, trying to tap into his senses and get some sense of where they are and what he can use to tunnel further.

Sam scoffs, craning his neck to watch the kid. "Stop crawling around like a bug, it's creepy."

And, just like that, Peter's focus is broken. He aims a lazy kick in Sam's general direction then sits cross-legged with a huff on the ceiling, whining, "Well, I was trying to use my _creepy_ powers to help us, but if you won't quit attacking me they won't work."

Steve's brow dips. "What - he wasn't _attacking_ you--"

"Turn of phrase, Cap," Clint mutters, clapping Steve on the back.

Attacking. _Attacking._

"Attacking!"

"Yeah, that's what we're supposed to be doing," Bucky grumbles from his seat on the floor where he brushes at specks of dirt on his metal arm. It seems that he has some sort of built-in bullshit meter that compels him to make himself comfortable and ride out ensuing arguments. He half-heartedly mimes bashing in an enemy face.

"But - uh, but how about..." this is the hardest part of group missions for Peter. When he's patrolling, he can just _think_ about doing stuff, and then _do it_ , but articulating his plans to other people isn't his strong suit. "Have you guys seen Holes _?_ "

Clint shakes his head woefully. "Too many. Enough for a lifetime."

" _Clint_ ," Steve hisses.

"No." Peter's jaw clicks rapidly shut, and he dispels the image from his head with a sharp shake of his head. " _No._ Ew. The movie. _Holes._ "

"What kind of movie name is that?" Sam adds incredulously. "Sorry, we're not eight-year-olds who watch movies about _holes_ like you."

"It was the only DVD the substitute teacher could find, okay? I didn't ask to watch it! Or have the title misconstrued like that! The point is, they dig. Holes. Um. I haven't really thought this part out."

"Oh my _God,_ " Sam groans, dragging a hand down his face.

Bucky enters the conversation a second time to say, "Give him a chance to talk." The man doesn't talk a lot, so it feels like praise to Peter to be stuck up for by him.

Peter collects himself, then scrunches his face up, proposing his plan in an apologetic tone. "Basically I was suggesting we dig manually. Like the guys in _Holes_. Except some of us are enhanced, so we'll be... better. Yeah. That."

There's a brief eruption of sarcastic applause from Clint. "Steve, step aside. I think we have our new team leader," he snarks.

Partly because he hopes it will make him look cool and decisive, mostly to get back at Clint, Peter pushes off from his spot on the ceiling and tears away a car-sized chunk of earth from the end of the tunnel. Turning to present his handiwork, he sends a cheeky salute Clint's way.

The archer, predictably, scoffs in barely concealed irritation. "Oh, I can do that," he whispers aside to Sam, who pays him no heed. "Kid's a twink. I didn't go through months of training for nothing. Logically, it evens out."

Peter wants to be offended, but the satisfaction of watching Clint ram his fist into the dirt and muffle a cry of pain wins.

"You really should've seen that coming."

"Say another word, Web-Ass, and you'll see another thing coming--"

If I don't get a bad guy's face in front of me real soon," Sam remarks, "I'm gonna stop being so picky about who I fight."

"That's... concerning," Peter returns haltingly as he puts his back into hollowing out a new section. Bucky and Steve rise silently to aid him, the former excavating earth with his metal arm and the latter carving away at it with his gauntlet shields. They're making decent work of it, too.

Sam remains ruffled, however, and throws his arms up in the air as he rails at Peter's back. "Yeah, it is. Especially for you! Your privileged ass should be _terrified_."

"I am not _privileged_ ," Peter retorts through a grunt of effort.

"But you have the honour of kissing the ass of our Lord and Saviour Tony Stark. Guess this is a couple of steps below the luxury of Stark Tower."

Peter is aware of Sam's penchant for holding grudges and making them known, but he can't help but fire back with a scoff: "Listen, I live in a 30-by-30-square-foot apartment. Is that un-privileged enough for you?"

Clint, Steve and Bucky stay out of it, Clint and Bucky seeming acclimated to this kind of talk during missions but Steve bearing a tight grimace of frustration.

"And I lived from place to place with those two idiots--" Sam indicates Bucky and Steve, who are actually working - "For a year!"

"We're - I can't believe we're trying to _out-poor_ each other right now. Holy _cow_." Peter halts his progress for a second to fix Sam with a glare he hopes appears hostile through his eye lenses.

Sam tilts his head to one side in an exaggerated movement. " _Holy cow_? Where'd you learn that, in kindergarten?"

The argument is descending into mind-numbing idiocy; if Sam won't put an end to it, Peter's going to have to be the adult out of them.

"Could you quit it for one second?" he cuts in, facing Sam head-on. "What - what is your problem with me?"

His remark finally shuts Sam up. He narrows his eyes at Peter but is silent - until Clint deadpans from behind them both: "Don't over-analyse it, Webs. It's just his way of showing he cares."

Silence descends in the tunnel.

In a surprising turn of events, Bucky is the first to laugh, letting out a low and melodic guffaw and leaning against the wall.

Sam's face is thunderous. "Barton, I will smother your face in this dirt. I swear to fucking Christ--"

"Well, I guess the universe repaid me in dads." It escapes Peter's mouth entirely outside his notice and he hardly processes what he's said until every eye in the team is fixed on him with murderous intent.

 _Oops._ Angry _dads._

* * *

Twenty minutes of manual excavation later and Peter is a little less optimistic and a _lot_ dizzier.

He doesn't think much of it at first. "Ugh. I am so done with today. I, I just wanted to--" And then it happens: his vision blacks out for a moment and he sways backwards. Steve catches his forearm. "Son? You alright?"

In truth, he's feeling kind of scrambled, throat scratchy, sweaty from the stifling heat of their confined tunnel, but he throws out a quip anyway: "Hate to break it to you, sir, but, uh, the dad thing was a joke."

"Well, I'm not joking," Steve fires back sternly, maintaining his grip on Peter a little awkwardly although he's already regained his balance.

Bucky casts a glance his way, then says, "Is there some kind of coolant system in the suit?" in one of his customarily freaky observations.

"Yeah, but... it broke. A while back. I forgot to fix it. I had a lot of homework."

"Christ on a kebab, I forgot you still have _homework_ ," Clint mentions, half incredulous and half impressed. Peter takes it as praise.

The softness in Steve's eyes is getting super weird now. It looks unpractised. "How about taking the suit off for a while?" he suggests, and it's a good suggestion in theory, but--

"Um - no, no thanks." Peter laughs gawkily, thankful that his mask hides his blush. "There's a reason this suit is so form-fitting. I'm not exactly... fully equipped under it."

"C'mon, there's no judgement here,” Clint cuts in with a smirk. “If you're wearing your Avengers boxers, so be it."

Peter feels blood rush as far as the tips of his ears. "How do you _know that?"_ he squawks.

"I was _bluffing_!"

"I don't care, that is... pervy on so many levels. That I'm only just discovering now. Thanks for that."

"I can't believe I actually got that right, sweet Jesus - you're wearing _Avengers boxers_? _Now_?"

"That is _not_ the important part of this!" All this yelling is making Peter's head spin. He braces his hands on the side of his head, trying to be subtle in an attempt to avoid too much attention being called to him. "And - and before you ask, I'm not taking off the mask either. Leave me in peace, let me - uh, let me take us to the, the base."

Renewed in determination, he swings at the wall, tearing another chunk of earth from it. They had to be getting close to the base, judging from the directions the tech had been able to give them while above ground. The signal only worked up there, and they couldn't risk emerging out into the open against in case they hit a part of the building's structure or a part of the base that would compromise them. None of that information was present in his mind anymore, however; instead, his brain felt pervaded by a thick layer of fuzz with a vague sense of a need to dig bouncing around aimlessly.

"Yeah - Sam, Clint, could you stop riling everybody up?" Steve interjects, stepping towards the two resolutely. "You're disrupting the mission."

Sam shakes his head in derision. "What mission? We've gotten _nowhere_."

"For the last time, I'm fronting this mission and I will complete it--"

At this, Bucky throws in his two cents, taking a break from digging and joining the circle of hostility. "Sam's right. If you hold that against me, Wilson, I will snap your fucking neck - but, I mean, we don't have a damn clue where we are. The kid is about thirty seconds from swan diving into--"

Then his thoughts flash to said kid, the sudden silence behind him, and he turns.

Instantly, his vision picks up Peter--

Peter, sprawled awkwardly across the floor of the tunnel.

He kneels before the kid, hovers uncertainly. "Spider-Man? Peter? Are you awake?"

By this time, Steve has caught on and moved to the kid's side, setting a hand on his shoulder and gently shaking it.

"Did he... pass out?" Sam ventures intelligently, him and Clint remaining motionless, uncertainty written across their faces.

Steve looks back at the two of them briefly and says, "Yeah, and we didn't even notice."

The statement is a sucker punch for Bucky, who knows precisely what it's like to be surrounded by people with no regard for the wellbeing of their charge. The kid... the kid is a pain in the ass, he's overenthusiastic, his grin exhausts Bucky, but - and the notion scares him more than a little - this Peter, motionless, limbs askew like a discarded puppet, is so much worse. This Peter turns on something in his heart that is ancient and rusty and terrifyingly fervent.

The activation of that small piece of machinery in his heart draws Bucky into action: he sets his hands under the kid's knees and loops his wiry legs over his shoulders to elevate them and send some blood flow back to his head. "Okay," he mutters before he can censor what he's saying, "'s gonna be okay."

Steve is still fruitlessly shaking Peter's shoulder; Sam's voice reaches him briefly as he murmurs, "Water, he probably needs water." Clint fiddles furtively with his sheath of arrows but it's plain to see most of his attention is directed towards nervously watching the kid.

"Do you think it's... alright if I take off his mask?" Steve asks, catching the glances of the other men in the tunnel for validation, and Bucky can't remember the last time Cap has sounded so unsure. Because none of them have a fucking clue what to do, they're superheroes and they're standing around like idiots, because it's a _kid_. He's - different. _Fragile_ , in a way that stuns them all.

"What else can we do?" Bucky says.

With an intake of breath, Steve gently tugs off the mask.

They catch the shortest glimpse of Peter's pale and sweat-lined face before he jolts awake, eyes widening, and throws an arm over his face, cringing away from Bucky's grip.

"Woah, it's okay," Bucky blurts, releasing the kid's legs and raising his arms. "Just us, kid."

"Wh- oh." Peter's panic slowly coalesces into confusion, then a look of mortification so profound Bucky feels like averting his eyes. "Oh. _Shit_." He groans impressively, shoving his face into his hands. "I did it again, didn't I? In front of all you guys? Not - not cool."

The return of the patented teenage dorkiness emanating from the kid pulls a collective sigh of relief from the rest of the team.

Wordlessly, Sam thrusts his water bottle at Peter; he accepts it with a furrowed brow, scanning the four heroes at his side and their matching countenances of concern.

"I'm - I'm okay, guys," he adds with a half-smile of bemusement. "Really, I'm fine. My blood pressure is, it's just - a little all over the place. It's not - could someone crack a joke? Please? Weren't you guys all just arguing about something? Just - do something. Stop looking at me like I'm, like, a kicked puppy."

Instantly, the rest of the team turns away, shuffling around superficially for want of anything actually important to do but unwilling to acknowledge that they've totally been caught in the act of fretting over Peter like goddamn mother hens.

Peter sips for a while longer at the water before hauling himself to his feet. Bucky swears he feels a collective twitch ripple around the rest of the group as they all restrain themselves from either helping him up or making some useless quip to dissolve the tension.

"Hate to break it to you, Webs," Clint interjects into the silence, "But we actually wrapped up the mission while you were swooning back there."

Ever gullible, Peter whips his head upwards to the still-sealed tunnel, mouth open in indignation, before he shoots Clint a glare that conveys all the hostility of a growling Pomeranian. "You take advantage of my trust. _Every time_."

Clint feels obligated to chuckle, and in a similar manner, the laughter sweeps the small, ragged, mismatched team, uniting them all in the ridiculous circumstance they're caught up in.

Peter can't help but grin at the sight of them all. _This is not what I expected from the mission, but... maybe it's not so bad._

* * *

In reality, their situation is not far from Clint's comment, teasing as it was.

When they finally, _finally_ reach the correct spot and tunnel upwards into the facility, they're three hours later than the SHIELD team who have already secured the building and shut the case. By that time, Clint's hearing aids are buried some hundred feet behind them, Bucky is sporting an impressive red handprint on his face - the product of a hearty bitch-slap from Sam - and a small tuft of Steve's hair is missing from his scalp where he'd torn it out in frustration.

Peter is ready to sleep for a decade. However, he can't say that the mission was entirely unsuccessful: he's sort of gained four not-so-shiny-and-new father figures, and as much as the prospect may terrify him, it also warms his heart in the strangest way.

Well, they are a strange team, after all. But they make it work.

(Just about.)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this one!! It's very different from my usual style and tone so I hope I managed it alright XD  
> My next projects are multitudinous, so expect more from in the near future!! I have a massive post-Far From Home whumpfest, more chapters to add to Nothing Left To Lose, a fluffier hurt and comfort oneshot, and a very exciting AU collaboration with @theoceanismyinkwell in the works!!  
> Stay safe everyone :)


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